Why Microsoft Needs to Hire Me

There is something distracting about a blinking cursor when you are trying to write creatively. Whenever I'm in one of my many bouts versus writer's block, I'll sit there looking at the screen, and the cursor will blink back at me with impatience, as if it's thinking, "Well? Still thinking? Not so funny today are you, Loser?"

I think they* should change that. Instead of a blinking vertical line, they should have something more soothing and conducive to the creative process. As I'm sure you've probably already guessed, my proposal is a mini-Keira Knightley. That's right; I think in every computer program that uses a cursor, a small picture of the British beauty should be looking back at you. She should have voice capability and speak in that incredible English accent, too. This way I don’t feel so badly when my idiot brain goes blank:

Knightley: “You haven’t typed in a little while. Is everything okay, Joeykins?”

Me: “I’m just drawing a blank here.”

Knightley: “Poor lad. I’d give you a massage if I could. Would you settle for me disrobing?”

Me: “Well, if that’s the best you can do…”

Oh, I know what some of you are thinking: “What about us women? What kind of cursor would we get?” And I have the perfect answer: Keira Knightley. Come on! She’s beautiful! Even another woman can appreciate that. She’d look better than a cursor, right?

Besides, I don’t want to borrow one of your computers and have some dude looking back at me.

*Whoever. Or maybe “whomever”. I’m a blogger, not a writer, dammit.