Wednesday, February 06, 2013


Facebook looks back at me in grayed-out words and and asks "How's it going, Joseph?" like it gives a shit. It doesn't. It just knows that getting you to post something--anything--is the key to facebook. Heck, it's more than the key, it is the everything of this "social network".

Facebook produces no content, it just organizes billions of megabits of keyboard diarrhea into easily digestible forms for consumption by an increasingly A.D.D.-afflicted population. It's a wonderfully programmed, sterile, blue-on-white-on-blue sublimation of desires to have an actual social life. It looks back on you and asks, "what can you do to get your Likes and Comments today?" And in your attempt to get your rat pellets, you produce page views, which produce ad images. The picture you just uploaded of your toddler with cookies on her face just bought facebook's campus a new park bench.

The word "everything" in my first paragraph? I wanted to italicize it for emphasis. I couldn't, because facebook doesn't permit that. Too many options for the commoner. Facebook is created to crush creativity to the point where no one stands out, meaning that everyone feels comfortable. Hey, MySpace allowed creativity, and we all know what happened there. Bad things, man. Bad things.

If Facebook commits crimes against creativity, Twitter is a serial killer. 140 Goddamn characters. That's what you get, fucker. Now even NBA players can be twitterific. Christ, did I just type that word?

I'm not complaining. This post has no point. I don't even know what the problem is. But I just decided that NyQuil is the solution.