Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Pearl of the Orient

I can't sleep.

You're probably thinking, "Well, lazy ass, quit trying when it's 4PM."  Well, where I am, it's NOT 4PM, it's 5AM.  Or, 0500.  And maybe you shouldn't be such a smartass.  How many times have YOU crossed the International Date Line, dipshit?

Sorry.  I get a little testy when I can't sleep.  And yes: I'm out of the country.  WAY out of the country.  Like, I'm going to have to double check to make sure I'm still on Earth.  I traveled for a miserable day and a half before I finally landed on the Pearl of the Orient, the Philippines.  I'm excited to finally be here, but it IS the opposite end of the planet.  While you all are still in daylight, working and whatever, I'm sitting around doing nothing in darkness.  So nothing has really changed.

Haha!  I'm such a funny humorous knee-slapping jokester when I've slept six hours over three days.  I'm here because half my family tree lives here, and I don't hardly know any of them.  I have a LOT of cousins, aunts, and uncles here, and I'm asking that they all wear name tags.  I met some of them for dinner last night.  I nearly fell asleep in my chicken soup.

Anyway, so far I'm having a good time, but the jet lag is killing me. I'm going to crawl back into bed and try to get normalized now, but I'm not optimistic.  I'm making a lot of notes, so hopefully I'll get some killer material out of this.  I better get something out of this trip.  Maybe I'll bring home a wife.  There are a ton of hotties over here.


P.S. I'm with my mom and my sister, who lives in Ohio.  Since my sister drove down to Florida with her husband, he is staying at my house while I'm gone.  So all you bastards looking to steal my 1989 GE tube TV because I'm out of town, seriously: Buy him beer and he'll probably let you have it.  Make it a Guinness and he'll probably help you find stuff.