Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Bill Cosby Teaches Jared from Subway

"Hey Jared! Good to see you! How are you?"
"Bill---Bill Cosby? What are you doing here? Wait, where the hell are we?"
"My boy, this is a place called the Public Consciousness. It's not fun, but don't worry, it's very temporary."
"The Public what? Look, I have some commercials to tape, I have to--"
"Hahaha," Cosby laughed. "Jared, trust me, all that filth flarn filth in your career just came to a dead stop. Nobody at any corporation is touching you now. Come on, let's walk this way." They started towards a door.
"How do you know so much about this place?"
"I was just here a few months ago. All these accusations came out about me drugging girls to have sex with them. It was Godawful. But like I said, you're only in the Public Consciousness for a very short while. I was quickly forgotten about."
"So why are you back?"
"Apparently, I just admitted to raping girls."
"That's what the public thinks. That I just said, 'hell yeah I raped them. I raped them all!' But of course I didn't say that. A sealed document from 2005 came out where I admitted some things. It was released, but since nobody reads anything more than headlines, the public just assumes I admitted it today."
Just then, the door they were walking to burst open. A lady was being escorted out while screaming. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! I BELONG HERE!! DON'T KICK ME OUT YET!!"
"Holy crap," said Jared. "Who is that?"
"Haha," said Cosby. "That's Rachel Dolezal. I guess her fifteen minutes are up. She apparently wanted to stay here a little longer. That's a little weird. Let's go inside."
Inside, assorted celebrities and Greek government officials took up most of the chairs, as well as the US Women's Soccer Team.
"Hmm...hard to find a seat," said Cosby.
"Here, you can have mine," said Caitlyn Jenner. "I was just leaving."
"Thanks, Bruce--ah, shit, I mean Caitlyn." Cosby laughed. "I'm an old man, you can't switch things up on me like that!" He playfully punched Jenner as he sat down. Jared sat next to him.
"So what do we do here?" Asked Jared.
"Just got to ride it out. See those soccer players over there? The Public Consciousness thinks they were underpaid and are bitter. The truth is, they were paid handsomely and haven't said one thing about it. They're just ecstatic about winning the Cup. As for you, nobody is reading articles about your story, just headlines, so now everybody thinks your a pedophile."
"WHAT?!? I'm totally not--"
"Hahaha," laughed Cosby. "This is the new social media. Facts don't matter. It's what generates clicks. Anyway, the world has massive A.D.D. now, so this will all blow over soon. The true facts about you will come out eventually, but nobody will give a shit because the new made-up stories will be out by then."
"Wow. So, you're innocent? You really didn't rape those girls?"
"Um, let's just change the subject, why don't we?"

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