Friday, March 10, 2006

Where Would I Be Without the Support of My Sister?

(I was on the phone recently with my sister Lori discussing, among other things, a new update for my blog. I’m struggling a little on my latest column, and this is definitely not it. However, I thought this conversation was too funny NOT to post. Oh, and bear in mind that my sister is a website designer with a incredibly expensive digital camera, whereas I wouldn’t know HTML unless it’s printed on the bottom of a Miller Lite bottle and I think I got my digital camera free with five proofs-of-purchase of Cap’n Crunch. Therefore, along with her world-renowned sarcasm, she is also an Internet elitist snob.)

Lori: That picture you posted of your bumper sticker is terrible. It isn’t properly cropped and the resolution is really poor.

Me: Could you make out what the bumper sticker said?

Lori: Well…yes.

Me: Then yeah, I'm sure there are people out there that are thinking, “Well, I would have laughed at the sticker, but the humor is just killed by the cropping”.

Lori: (Laughs)

Me: Face it: you’re jealous that I am a skyrocketing Internet star and you’re a piece of roadkill on the Information Superhighway.

Lori: Oh, yeah, sure you are. They might even make a movie about you. They could get Tattoo from Fantasy Island to star.

Me: Whatever. I think they’d have to have Keanu Reeves play the part of me, though I’m not sure he’s good-looking enough.

Lori: Plus, I don’t think he has the acting range to play someone that dumb.

Me: Whatever. They’d probably get Janeane Garofalo to play you, though I’m not sure she is sarcastic enough.

Lori: Whatever. They’d probably get Screech from Saved by the Bell to play you, but I’m not sure he’s ugly enough.

Me: Whatever. Maybe they’d try to get Jessica Simpson to play you, but she’s not airheaded enough.

Lori: Whatever! Maybe they’d get Tom Cruise to play you…oh, wait, he’s probably heterosexual.

Me: OHH! So we’re going to the gay jokes now? Okay, let’s see, they’d probably get Rosie O’Donnell to play you…

(In case you are wondering how this conversation ended, IT HASN’T. Verbal volleys have been going back and forth all day, most of it unprintable, and will recommence with the next phone call. Love ya, Sis.)


  1. BLOODY HELL!!! You two sound like my brother and I!!! I can feel the love!!! Thanks for the laughs! After the week I have had.....I totally needed it! By the way.....I would love you to email me the uncensored version! WINK!

  2. You do somewhat look like Screech. Just sayin'.........

  3. ahhhh...that sibling love. my brother & i share it too. "i know you are but what am i?" lol...

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  5. I can sooo hear you having this conversation! LOL

    I wanna know the rest, email it to me or give me a call. ;)

  6. So wait? Are you gay or what? llol bwahahhaha

    I have those banters with my mom... my brother would probably cry his sissy eyes out! LOL

  7. You guys sound like me and my brother. Love it. I think Steve Buscemi should play you. ;)

  8. Oh, and Tom is most certainly not hetero. No, no.

  9. I thought the picture had a nice composition. How boring would it be if it was just the bumper sticker. Instead you gave the photo depth with the basketball and hardwood flooring. Professsional photographers don't take their pictures straight, they look for interesting angles.

    By the way, did you record this conversation, I'm wondering how you remember all the names called out?

    You didn't respond to Missy's question?

  10. This blog sucks! You have to wait 5000 years for a new post!!


  11. At last we know the source of your name, "Slowjoe". It means slow to write new posts. You need a working writer, sort of like Leno and Letterman have. You could just post his new material daily.

  12. I don't care if you're hungover; update!

  13. That is so so funny!

    Your sister tends to crack me up as much as you do on this blog. :)


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