Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Jesus Christ, Action Figure (Apostles Sold Separately)

I read recently that Wal-Mart will soon be selling Jesus and other religious “action figures” designed specifically for children. Of course, being Wal-Mart, this surprises me about as much as another Bush Administration indictment. But I have to wonder: Who will be buying these things? Can you imagine the “playing” that will be going on in a typical household with these toys?

Mom: “Timmy! Quit hitting your sister with the Virgin Mary this instant!”

Timmy: “But Mom! She cooked one of my Three Wise Men in her Easy-Bake Oven!”

Sister: “Did not!”

Timmy: “Did too!”

Mom: “Both of you, shut up and stop ar—OH MY GOD…who flushed the Son of God down the damn toilet?!?

Sister: “That was Timmy!”

Mom: “Timmy, do you know how much a plumber costs?!?!”

Timmy: “But mom, YOU said he could walk on water!”

Mom: (sighing) “Jesus Christ”.




30 comments:

  1. i can just imagine the accessories that come with these. i hope they're making old testament figures as well. jezebel & salome would be more fun.

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  2. I want one!
    Koi Ai Kitty

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  3. Jesus Christ is right! Are they going to sell Lucifer too. Maybe the 10 commandments, some fish and bread, a coat of many colors.....I want the complete biblical set.
    I can see my daughter frying it in her easybake. But Mommy, it says that Jesus went to the fiery pit of Hell and rose. Sorry I started a fire....HA! =)
    aDorkable

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  4. Oo, I'd love to play with Jesus.

    Tsk. I am just so evil, aren't I? ;-)

    But wait! Where'd the polka dots go, Joe? How can I make fun of you now?

    **puts head in hands, devasted**

    (great blog, love!)

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  5. OMG...this is not something I'd buy stock in. OMG, this is crazy! Do they think kids are actually going to be telling other kids that's what they want for their birthday! Big sell on the devil I bet. You are funny!

    Are you running an undecover dating service on this blog?

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  6. It sounds as tacky as all the Budda shit I see everywhere. Nothing is sacred for those who want to capitalize on religion to make a buck.

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  7. That is too funny.....

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  8. Oh my gosh this is classic!!!! You rock! I can just imagine what would happen when Jesus teams up with GI Joe or the transformers...

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  9. Oh I just saw some of these at Candylicious yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For some reason I refrained from whipping out the camera...

    Funny one Joe. :-)
    Jill

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  10. And of course, if they run out of ideas for dramatic play with the figurines, they can always read this blog for ideas:
    Jesus Christ's Cool Blog
    Just in case I totally have no idea how to make a link (and I don't) here's where I meant that to go:
    http://jesuschristscoolblog.blogspot.com

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  11. That is too funny! I wonder if they'll have Noah and The Arc?

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  12. Aerin the Goddess7/18/2007 07:10:00 PM

    They made me pose 6 hour to get my action figure made up for me~ don't hate!

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  13. They had me posing FOREVER to get my action figure done up~ I can't wait to see it~ The Goddess Aerin, Savior of the Future

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  14. How pathetic.. this godess didn't know that the posts ended up at the bottom~ in all fairness, they did include typo demons at my fingers~

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  15. Virtual Flower7/18/2007 07:55:00 PM

    Hilarious!!!

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  16. This is how it would go down in my house with the boys.

    "You might bring freedom to all sentient beings, Optimus Prime, but I bring. . . SalvatioN!"

    and then Spider-Man would swing by and try to web him but Jesus would cast Spider-man's soul into a pig and run the pig off a cliff.

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  17. LOL! Funny...you should post it on myspace, too.

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  18. So, Timmy gets a name, but sister is just sister. What could Freud read into that?

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  19. Wholly random: the dots had to go. It took me a whole day to find and implement a new template. I am so-so on this one, but I ain't changin' it.

    Carrie: How did you figure out my secret? I'm actually running an undercover "find a date for Joe" service. The match-making ads are the consolation prizes. :-)

    Aerin: I'll need proof in the form of pictures.

    Chase: I still have a Luke Skywalker action figure that would whoop up on J.C. First of all, he has The Force. Secondly, if that fails he has a light saber.

    berriewine: Freud would say "sister's" name wasn't necessary for the story. Or that men are more important than women. But that's just his opinion.

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  20. From the article:

    "they are aimed at Christian parents who prefer their children play with Samson, David or Noah rather than with a comic book character or Bratz doll."

    What about the sadistic parent who buys the comic book characters, AND the christian based characters. I wonder who would win in THAT battle!!

    I seriously want to know what the talking Jesus says. I think you should write his script....

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  21. Love your new blog Joe, even though it's hard to read around the ads LOL....Do even really make money off them?

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  22. Speaking of the new layout (which I think is nice by the way), I found this site to customize my own and it was REALLY useful. I still had to do some tweaking once I basically had what I wanted, but its the only online blogger template generator I've ever seen.

    http://psyc.horm.org/#PsycHo!

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  23. Hey Joe, give me your password and I'll decorate your page. ( ;

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  24. I got the Lazarus one but he just lies there and smells bad unless you get the Jesus one too.

    What a ripoff.

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  25. Speaking of the new layout (which I think is nice by the way), I found this site to customize my own and it was REALLY useful. I still had to do some tweaking once I basically had what I wanted, but its the only online blogger template generator I've ever seen.

    http://psyc.horm.org/#PsycHo!

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  26. Aerin the Goddess4/19/2011 02:00:00 AM

    They made me pose 6 hour to get my action figure made up for me~ don't hate!

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  27. That is too funny! I wonder if they'll have Noah and The Arc?

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  28. LOL! Funny...you should post it on myspace, too.

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  29. Virtual Flower4/19/2011 02:00:00 AM

    Hilarious!!!

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