Saturday, July 21, 2007

Why Microsoft Needs to Hire Me

There is something distracting about a blinking cursor when you are trying to write creatively. Whenever I'm in one of my many bouts versus writer's block, I'll sit there looking at the screen, and the cursor will blink back at me with impatience, as if it's thinking, "Well? Still thinking? Not so funny today are you, Loser?"

I think they* should change that. Instead of a blinking vertical line, they should have something more soothing and conducive to the creative process. As I'm sure you've probably already guessed, my proposal is a mini-Keira Knightley. That's right; I think in every computer program that uses a cursor, a small picture of the British beauty should be looking back at you. She should have voice capability and speak in that incredible English accent, too. This way I don’t feel so badly when my idiot brain goes blank:


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketKnightley: “You haven’t typed in a little while. Is everything okay, Joeykins?”


Me: “I’m just drawing a blank here.”


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketKnightley: “Poor lad. I’d give you a massage if I could. Would you settle for me disrobing?”


Me: “Well, if that’s the best you can do…”


Oh, I know what some of you are thinking: “What about us women? What kind of cursor would we get?” And I have the perfect answer: Keira Knightley. Come on! She’s beautiful! Even another woman can appreciate that. She’d look better than a cursor, right?

Besides, I don’t want to borrow one of your computers and have some dude looking back at me.




*Whoever. Or maybe “whomever”. I’m a blogger, not a writer, dammit.




10 comments:

  1. Oh bless your amazing brain. Keira would be so perfect as a cursor. I can see her now disrobing.

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  2. I'm all about selflessly helping people, Craig.

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  3. You know Joe It may be a good idea if you gave this whole Kiera fantasy a rest. Sure she's attractive but her as a cursor would be overkill. After a while you'll just start to imagine her pestering you anyway.Let's face it in your case she'll be more of a distraction than a muse to cure your writer's block.

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  4. That would be one great distraction though.

    Perhaps I could get Microsoft to alternate the cursor. Make it sometimes Kate Beckinsale and sometimes Angelina Jolie. You know, so it is always fresh. ;-)

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  5. Alternating female images on your cursor....what a great idea for you!

    You would be in a permanent state of "writer's block"... ( :

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  6. YES! Replace that damn paper clip and the stupid search puppy NOW!

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  7. I definitely do not need a girl looking back at me when I write. Especially not one better looking than me!

    But you do have good taste. I think you are on to something!

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  8. YES! Replace that damn paper clip and the stupid search puppy NOW!

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  9. You know Joe It may be a good idea if you gave this whole Kiera fantasy a rest. Sure she's attractive but her as a cursor would be overkill. After a while you'll just start to imagine her pestering you anyway.Let's face it in your case she'll be more of a distraction than a muse to cure your writer's block.

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  10. I'm all about selflessly helping people, Craig.

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