Monday, January 23, 2006

Excuses for the Lack of Blogging

I apologize for not having made a blog entry for a little while. I've been out celebrating the last three nights. Right now, you are probably asking excitedly, "I wonder what the Internationally Acclaimed Humor Writer Joseph Simmons, who should be awarded, at a minimum, the Pulitzer Prize, for his blogging, plus his overuse of commas and incoherent run-on sentences, which sometimes run-on so badly that you forget what the sentence is even about, has been celebrating?"

The answer: I have no idea. Not one of the parties I attended had anything to do with my birthday. That was today, and I celebrated it by tearing up my birth certificate. However, the past three days I somehow always ended up having to:

1. Get dressed
2. Drink alcohol

The first item I do damn well at, thank you. The second item, not so much. I am definitely a "lightweight". I'll put it this way: Every morning I felt like whoever gave me alcohol the previous night deserved some small punishment, like getting dragged out of their house and shot.

Anyway, I have a new column almost complete. I was going to have it out today, since the subject matter is me bitching about turning 35, but I seem to have caught a nasty cold. It's tough to write humor when every time I swallow I feel a serrated knife going up and down my throat and my entire body feels like I've just been out joyriding with Ted Kennedy at the wheel. So, if you, the loyal reader, will forgive me, I should have the new composition out tomorrow.

Don't even think about asking me for $75.

(If you don't get that last joke, then you have not been a loyal reader. In this case you owe ME $75. Pay up, pal.)


  1. Love the run-on comments - actually quite grammatically brilliant if you ask me! Perhaps that's because I have enough intelligence to appreciate your witty play on words with the english language. Sorry you're not up to par and under the weather. Hope Mom's nursing you back to health.

    I'm not holding you to the $75 either, as I have faith that you will reward us 10 fold in the future with endless entertainment from your wonderfully strange, yet usually funny & sometimes painfully honest, ( <--coma or no coma?) thoughts and observations. Thanks for the laughter and Get well soon.

  2.'d actually have to work HARDER to be considered lazy and procrastinating. An update that consists of lame excuses. You are my hero.


Comments are like crack for bloggers, and I'm a big-time addict. Please leave one here!

(You do not need to sign in to leave a comment. You can leave a comment using only your name OR you can be completely anonymous by choosing the appropriate "identity" below)