I walked into Publix, a local grocery store chain, for my normal healthy lunch (A light salad with diet dressing, minus the tomatoes, carrots, cheese, olives, cucumbers, lettuce and diet dressing, with a sprinkle of a large roast beef sandwich), and as I was walking inside, a stunningly attractive young woman, perhaps in her mid-twenties, gave me a big beautiful smile on her way outside.
Now, this may seem like a trivial thing to you, the ignorant loyal reader, but this means the world to me. Why? Because on Monday I turn 35 years old, and I know that my days of random smiles from beautiful women are Quickly Coming to an End. Pretty soon, it will always be me that has to smile first. Soon after that, I’ll be prohibited from smiling at any young woman ever again:
Me: Officer, all I did was smile at her!
Officer: (handcuffing me) I’m sorry, but ignorance of the law is no excuse for breaking it.
Me: WHAT law?
Officer: Section 467.372, part 8, paragraph 2 states that anyone over 35 that smiles at young girls is a creepy old man like Joe Simmons, and should be incarcerated.
Me: Wait, there’s a law WITH MY NAME IN IT?
Officer: It was only a matter of time, you miscreant.
So, as you can see, I have to enjoy this while I can. I don’t want to run afoul of the law. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go. I hear they are having a sale at Publix.