Wednesday, January 18, 2006

A Pretty Girl Smiles, My Imagination Runs Wild

I walked into Publix, a local grocery store chain, for my normal healthy lunch (A light salad with diet dressing, minus the tomatoes, carrots, cheese, olives, cucumbers, lettuce and diet dressing, with a sprinkle of a large roast beef sandwich), and as I was walking inside, a stunningly attractive young woman, perhaps in her mid-twenties, gave me a big beautiful smile on her way outside.

Now, this may seem like a trivial thing to you, the ignorant loyal reader, but this means the world to me. Why? Because on Monday I turn 35 years old, and I know that my days of random smiles from beautiful women are Quickly Coming to an End. Pretty soon, it will always be me that has to smile first. Soon after that, I’ll be prohibited from smiling at any young woman ever again:

Me: Officer, all I did was smile at her!

Officer: (handcuffing me) I’m sorry, but ignorance of the law is no excuse for breaking it.

Me: WHAT law?

Officer: Section 467.372, part 8, paragraph 2 states that anyone over 35 that smiles at young girls is a creepy old man like Joe Simmons, and should be incarcerated.

Me: Wait, there’s a law WITH MY NAME IN IT?

Officer: It was only a matter of time, you miscreant.

So, as you can see, I have to enjoy this while I can. I don’t want to run afoul of the law. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go. I hear they are having a sale at Publix.


  1. Big Bro Joe,

    You poor, dirty, old man (and not in any particular order). Just kidding - you are too funny. And to think that it's not only women who worry about growing older...not the case, especially in that of the aging bachelor!

    Have no fear, it'll likely be a long time before the law's allowed to incarcerate you for just looking. Society's becoming pretty liberated if you haven't noticied.

    And don't forget, SUNGLASSES can serve many purposes ;)

    *First-timer...didn't have an identity - gee, wouldn't that be nice if we could get away with that every time ;)

  2. hah hah hey I really didn't read this but you sound funny...sweet..ginger

  3. I dont think you would necessarily be creppy if you were smiling with good intentions...and anyone you are only as young as you feel. And if you are going to think like you are some old creppy guy who isnt deserving of a smile...then that is what you are going to get i guess.

  4. At least you didn't let slip "Hey check out the tits on this broad", that could have gotten you into some real trouble.

  5. You know what is better than the attractive young girls at SW Florida Publix, the attractive older girls at Publix. Just wait until one of those retirement village skanks gives you a big gummy grin on your way in. You will forget what you were there for in the first place ..... probably Preparation H or Dentucreme......

  6. ~*Miss Priss*~3/04/2006 05:55:00 AM

    This one is great! I really dont think you have to worry about that though cause you are way hott! You are 10 years older than me & there is no way I would think u were a creepy old man! ;)


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