Saturday, January 28, 2006

January 28th, 2006: A Day That Will Live in Infamy

As most of my closest friends know, I am a very easy-going, friendly, and peaceful person. That is why it is so painful for me to announce that Humor, Comedy, Life, and Other Random Neural Firings by Joseph Simmons has no choice but to declare war.

The story: there is currently a blog on the Internet right now that, at first glance, appears to be a nice, friendly blog about a nice, friendly family living a nice, friendly life in a nice, and of course friendly, town called Cashiers, North Carolina. Don’t let it fool you! This blog is actually the work of the nefarious Lori Holland, also sometimes known as the “Evil Web Mistress” or “My Bratty Little Sister”.

Anyway, she recently wrote a column, located here, that makes your loyal blogger, the Pulitzer Prize-deserving Joe Simmons, look stupid. How DARE she! That’s MY job! No one does that better than I!

Uh, wait, that came out wrong. Anyway, if you want the link to the main page of her blog (so you’ll know where to never, ever go), it’s on the right side of this page in the navigation bar under “links”. I also added a link to a brand-new website called, that is a revolutionary concept in news. It’s brilliant and thought-provoking, and my excitement and enthusiasm should in no way be minimized by the fact that I've been asked to write for it. (Luckily for, my blog is not currently at war with them.)

As far as my sister is concerned, she and her husband Doug own and operate at least four websites, all lovingly designed and updated in a heartfelt, humanitarian effort to avoid gainful employment. Doug, in his spare time (also known as "the hours he's not asleep"), also runs, a site that supports Branson, Missouri tourism. I love my sister and brother-in-law dearly, but let me assure you that their hindquarters are currently “adapting” to meet their web-programming needs as you read this.

So, I encourage you, the loyal reader, to visit their sites frequently. However, I ask that anytime you visit my sister's evil enemy blog, please show your support for me by spitting on your monitor.


  1. Hey Joe...shut up! (My mind blanked out).

  2. I'm shocked. You usually have a lot to say. What happened?

    First time I read the article, there was no comment. When I saw that there is 1 comment now, I knew it's from you. I eagerly clicked on the comment but Geesh... was I disappointed.

    Okay, come back here and give him a good zing.

  3. Some people have blogs that generate a thoughtful exchange of ideas among people from varying diverse backgrounds and cultures in their comment section. My blog has so few readers that the only thing it generates are family arguments. Pretty soon, I'll see comments on my blog like:

    lori said...Mom...good news! My hemorrhoids finally cleared up!

    mom said...Lori, do you think you should be talking about that on a public website?

    lori said...No one is reading this except us!

    mom said...Oh. Well then, Joe, pick up some soda before the next time you mooch a meal!

  4. Oh've thrown me into the midst of a family feud. When I'm done here perhaps you could go to my brothers myspace page and leave a comment telling him his feet stink?


Comments are like crack for bloggers, and I'm a big-time addict. Please leave one here!

(You do not need to sign in to leave a comment. You can leave a comment using only your name OR you can be completely anonymous by choosing the appropriate "identity" below)